


Fear of Being Found

by AlexielCasey



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe, FTM, Glompto - Freeform, M/M, Not Beta Read, Queer author, Romance, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, promptio, transgender character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 14:14:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11381871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexielCasey/pseuds/AlexielCasey
Summary: Prom makes Gladio break his rules about relationships and one night stands. The problem is, starting a real relationship means telling the truth about everything Gladio feels he has to hide.





	Fear of Being Found

**Author's Note:**

> I'm FTM and wanted a fic I could relate to, rather than something that feels like a fetish fic.  
> I don't speak for all trans men, all our experiences are not the same, and this isn't identical to my experience.

It wasn't exactly anything he talked about if he could help it. It was always awkward, and it never got any better.

It was awkward when he was the tallest in his class, able to protect the smaller kids and beat the hell out of their tormentors (even when they were two grades above him), but still laughed at for the badly improvised Crownsguard haircut he'd managed with his father's electric razor. A punch or two made the laughing stop.

It was awkward when he blurted out what was wrong to the shrink his dad dragged him to to help deal with his mother's death. It was _stupid_ awkward convincing them he wasn't just "traumatized" and trying to "escape his mother's fate." He'd barely contained his rage at that one, only restrained by the knowledge that he had to be on his best behavior to make them _not_ think he was nuts. The idea that his mother being a woman had anything to do with her death was fucking ridiculous. Being a woman had nothing to do with the type of lung cancer he'd watched eat her alive in a matter of months, spreading to her bones and brain and killing her after days lingering in a coma.

It was awkward _again_ when Iris kept throwing out questions at him. She was too little to know how much it hurt. He was patient with her, tolerated her calling him "mom" and learned, slowly, that her asking him to braid her hair or pick out dresses with her had nothing to do with him. She wanted a parent- and their dad was busy a lot of the time. So, Gladio became default hair and clothing stylist. It only sucked when they went shopping and the salesclerks tried to pick out matching outfits for them.

It was still awkward when he started his weekly stabs in the leg. He'd eventually moved to a patch- mostly because he turned into a massive dick the day before the next injection. The only plus was that all this shit was cleared out of the way before puberty actually hit- he'd never been so thankful to be a late bloomer. It meant at least one damned uncomfortable surgery was avoided. It also meant he could actually take his rightful place in Kings Guard training and start kicking Noct's ass, once the kid was well enough.

After that, things started to feel less awkward. Things started to feel _right._ Mostly.

Then dating happened. Dating, sex, and desperately, desperately wanting physical affection in a world where he felt increasingly isolated by both his job and particular birth defect. As he dreaded, that was the absolute _worst_ awkward of all, especially given that from the waist up he was the perfect picture of masculinity- tattoos, scars, muscular. Women would flirt with him and men didn't exactly shy away either, once they realized he swung both ways.

There was a reason that Gladiolus Amiticia was the King of the One Night Stand- and had a spectacular reputation. Being transgender was _much_ more easy to hide when he was more than happy to get his partner off and enjoy the contact and cuddling and affection after rather than looking to get off through any manual stimulation of his own. He knew what an orgasm felt like, and had plenty of them via _that_ means on his own (or mostly on his own with a few occasional helpful instruments). That wasn't what he sought out sex for in the first place anyway- it was to feel less alone.

Well, and there's nothing quite so reaffirming of how attractive he was, no matter how much of an imposter he felt he was, than someone yanking his hair and screaming his name uncontrollably. Whatever he and his partners got into, from vanilla to kink, quickies to languorous, intimate nights, it filled the gaps created by too many hours alone. Always being forced to be on the giving end left an ache that no amount of masturbation could quite scratch, but he told himself that eventually, he'd get his plumbing fixed and the long nights of feeling neglected would finally be over.

Gladio had always sort of assumed he'd get the whole "bottom half matching the top" thing fixed in his 20's, but he sure as hell hadn't had the time while he was trying to get Noct into shape to be married and not instantly fall prey to some assassin the moment he was alone. It was weeks of recovery for each stage of the damn surgery. He'd had a hard enough time lying about the internal feminine pieces being removed after they started throwing a fit thanks to the years on the testosterone. They couldn't even explain how or why, they simply shrugged, said it “happens” after a while in people like him. That it was _typical_ and yet they couldn't be bothered to just take the damn thing out to start with. The only good thing about _that_ fiasco is it could be passed off as a ruptured appendix and emergency appendectomy gone wrong to explain the extra recovery time.

With magic they could warp through walls, make energy drinks into time rewinding curatives for battle, and store an infinite amount of weaponry in a magic room that didn't actually exist, but couldn't make it easier for him to get the goddamn dick he should have been born with in the first fucking place. Of course. Because why would _anything_ in all of this be _easy._

He assumed after Noct was married off he could sneak off _somewhere_ at some point if he chose to. If. It wasn't like anyone was interested enough in an ongoing relationship for it to matter anyway.

Or so he thought. Then Prom happened. That fucking snarking, irritating, deceptively innocent little blonde bastard.

"What do you _mean_ it's complicated?" Prom asked, panting and leaning on one arm to brush his bangs out of his eyes. "How can it be _complicated_ , you get laid more than any guy I know!"

 _It helps a hell of a lot when you already know what women want... and stick to mostly to oral. And whatever they like. And are content with somewhat sub par orgasms from listening to them scream your name._ Gladio shut his eyes, trying to gather his thoughts. Prom had been driving him insane, kisses up his neck, nuzzling his beard and rubbing a very _very_ enticing erection against his hip insistently for the past half hour. He didn't have the will or the patience to deal with this stupid problem right now. _Why wasn't I Just born right and why does medical technology suck?_

"Whatever it is, it can't be that bad. I've felt a dick through these pants before, damnit," Prom tugged at the waistband of Gladio's pants and looked dumbfounded when Gladio smacked his hand away. "Come _on._ You always get me off! Always! I want to reciprocate, I _like_ you, I _really_ like you and I feel like an asshole for always making you do all the work!"

"Trust me," Gladio shut his eyes, gritting his teeth against the very _large_ part of his brain screaming to the contrary, "I like it that way."

Prom sighed, flopping on his chest, looking up at Gladdy with those damned crystal blue eyes that were so stupid hard to say no to. He worried his lip with his teeth- _kill me, Astrals strike me dead lest I do something fucking stupid for those eyes-_ and looked away. "I promise I'm not totally inept. If I am, just tell me, I'll do... whatever."

The way Prompto said _whatever_ made something jagged and icy slither into Gladio's stomach. Prom wasn't lying, and that made it all the more horrible. He'd do _whatever_ , regardless of what he wanted. It was a little manipulative, yeah, but the way he said it- it was manipulative because Prom figured all this was a rejection of _him_. It was a last ditch attempt to be allowed to stay. He knew all about Gladio's sordid sexual history, he didn't exactly hide it. Prom had made little offhand comments about how he "won the lottery twice" that Gladio'd "stooped to sex with him" more than once. The guy had never had much luck with anyone, romantically, which was a bunch of xenophobic bullshit. He thought all his was him not being good enough, when the problem was that he _was g_ ood enough. The time with him, however short, was enough to make Gladdy consider what he'd formerly written off as an insane, unnecessary risk.

Prom was fucking fantastic. Frustrating as all hell and would probably get himself killed one of these days trying to take "the perfect photo," but he didn't deserve to have _more_ bullshit insecurities added because Gladio couldn't pull his metaphorical balls out of his back pocket and admit what the fuck was wrong with him.

He deserved better than being saddled with even more bullshit because Gladio was a damn coward.

"Look, Prom, it's not-"

"Yeah yeah, it's not you, it's me, I've heard it, save it." Prom started to leave and Gladio caught his wrist, as gently as he could in his panic.

"It really _is_ me." Gladio's jaw hurt from clenching his teeth. "It's got nothing to do with you, it's- I've-" Prom was staring venomous holes in his head, and it wasn't exactly unreasonable given Gladdy sounded like he was fishing for excuses. "It's complicated because I haven't _got-_

"A thing for me, I know-"

"Anything down there." He squeezed his eyes shut, and a moment later, remembered he should really let go of Prom and stop crushing his wrist.

He waited.

Nothing. No door opening, no angry questions- no _anything._ Did he forget to say it out loud?

When he opened an eye, Prom was _still_ standing there. And _still_ staring at him. He just looked dumbfounded instead of pissed.

Prom glanced down at Gladio's crotch and then started to speak, faltered, started again, then pinched the bridge of his nose and blinked a few times before crossing his arms and fixing his gaze on Gladio again. " _What_?"

Gladio flopped back against the bed and sighed. The ceiling was a mighty fine substitute for eye contact. Sure was. "You heard me."

"Yeah, I _heard_ you, but I'm staring _right_ at the shape of a dick in your pants, so, I mean-" Prom trailed off.

Gladio pressed a palm to his head, tension radiating from his jaw and neck upward. He was suddenly incredibly glad they were in Lestallum for the night. He didn't want to have to explain why the entire inner dynamic of their group was now fucked, _and_ why he had a splitting headache. A thousand ways to explain flit past, excuses, the truth, and then many versions of what he actually blurted out, laced with hysteria as the silence persisted: "You know what? Try to take it out. I dare you."

Horrifyingly, and though somewhat predictably (Prom had guts at some of the strangest times), Prom fucking came the fuck over and started _unbuttoning._ Then _unzipping._

Sheer fucking panic then kicked in that Prom was actually brazen enough to follow through, and Gladio scrambled backward, cracking his skull against the wall behind the attached headboard, sending a flash of red across his vision. The pain he could deal with, that was nothing. It was a shock more than pain. Prom staring at him like he'd totally lost his shit hurt more, but he'd been preparing for a similar stare from _someone_ since he'd realized sex usually involved taking your clothes off. What he hadn't prepared for was Prom frowning, scooting across the bed to straddle his lap, and instead of diving for his pants again, gently pulled Gladdy's head forward, examining where he'd smacked it on the wall, one hand cradling the side of the older man's face.

"Man, that was an ugly sound." Gladio wrapped his arms around Prom's waist as he probed through Gladio's messy hair. He let his forehead rest against Prom's chest and closed his eyes as small, clever fingers found the swelling lump and gently grazed over it a few times. "Well you're not bleeding, so I guess that's good. Your head will probably hurt like hell soon, though."

Gladio resisted the urge to growl in frustration, grasping for his years of practice turning disappointment and fear into energy. Anger. Rage.

Nothing was working. Everything that should have been shifting to casual indifference and irritation refused to materialize. His usual aloof act he kept up around the other two when he was with Prom wouldn't work. He knew Prom wouldn't buy it anyway. It took everything not to go with a last, frightened attempt to distract Prom by kissing up his chest to his neck, and finding that soft spot behind his ear that made him shudder and stop thinking.

He was freezing, joints and muscles all locked into place by fear. Gladio was used to being afraid, using it to fuel his attacks and transmuting it effortlessly into determination and power. The experience of staring down something four times his size that could snap his arms off in its teeth was so much easier than this. The fear in battle was fluid, electric, a wave to ride to it's insane end, to death or glory. The fear of Prom not only knowing his secret but walking out the door with it, disgusted or utterly turned off, was a sticky, globulous presence like tree sap. If this ended badly, it would either be there forever- or have to be forcibly frozen and cut out.

 _This is why you don't get attached. One and done. Remember that?_ Prom's hands slid along the close trimmed sides of Gladio's hair, down to his jaw, and he started rubbing the joint just in front of his ear in soft, but persistent circles.

"Y'get all those headaches because you clench your jaw, y'know." Prom said, his voice level, gentle. It was the voice he used with animals when he wanted a picture with them, or that Gladdy heard in very hushed tones in the night when Noct woke up from nightmares and he didn't want to wake Ignis. "You told me that, remember? You kicked the back of my seat and told me I was frustrating you so much I was giving you a headache. I asked if sitting behind all 173 centimeters of hot man was too much for you and Noct yelled at you for kicking his car before you could answer." A smile touched Prom's voice. "It seems like a long time ago."

Gladio sunk deeper into Prom's chest and only just kept the inclination to shout and scream in frustration at bay. Prompto deserved better than him hiding, clinging to him, and failing to speak. Prom was always like this, he could be a thoughtless dork, but he was always willing to help, even if he had no idea what he was doing.

"I went 'how the fuck do I give you a headache by just being alive' and so I looked it up, and the internet was wise and knowing- _as usual-_ and said that people get headaches from clenching their jaw and having a tense neck. And boy, do you _ever_ grit your teeth a _lot._ Holy shit." Prom carded his hands through Gladdy's hair. "I guess I... kinda always had a thing for you."

Gladio closed his eyes. Prom was filling the silence, stalling. He didn't know what to do- and how could he? Every sign said "get out, stay away, leave me alone."

Gladio needed to take the lead. He needed to step up and either take a leap of faith or cut Prom loose, not leave him to twist in the wind.

"Prom?"

"Yeah?" Prom pulled back slightly, to meet Gladio's eyes. He had little lines around his brows of worry, but nothing to indicate he wanted to run out the door.

"Did you mean what you said about reciprocating?"

Prom blinked. "Yeah? I wouldn't have said it otherwise, whatever you want, I mean-" He shrugged a shoulder, looking away shyly. "Like, what happened, to your, uh," He looked up, or anywhere other than down between Gladio's legs, "Peeing in a field and something walked up and bit it off or-"

Gladio laughed. Uproariously, loudly, and Prom grabbed hold of his shoulders and yelped when the bigger man picked him up to pull him closer as Gladio scooted into a more comfortable position against the headboard. Prom's eyes were wide when Gladio met them again, resting his chin against Prom's chest, gazing up at him. Prom's cheeks began to glow pink, a rosy flush diffusing under the freckles. Terror still had a sturdy nest in Gladio's rib cage, but the sheer absurdity of the image of a coeurl running up, stealing his dick, and running off again like it was playing fetch was just ridiculous and jarring enough to shake some of the weight loose. It was enough to move again.

"No, that's not what happened."

"So, um?" Prom shifted his hips slightly, wriggling to sit _on_ Gladio's arms, bracing himself on Gladdy's shoulders for balance. "What happened then? Should I like not- wait, does that mean that's fake?! You dick, you fucking prick, you give Noct shit about his dick all the time and you have a fake!" Prom crumpled with laughter, playfully smacking Gladio on the shoulder. "I won't tell him, oh my god, that's too perfect-"

Fear and shame started climbing the interior of his ribs again. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell _anyone_ , Prom."

Prom stopped laughing immediately, straightening, and clearing his throat. "Duh! I mean, sorry, that was really rude of me. I didn't mean to um- it's not bad that it's- it's just funny that you tease Noct and you get to select a size and the rest of us are stuck with what we get. Lucky bastard." Prom rubbed the back of his neck, eyes narrowing slightly. "How's that work, are there like... shops?"

"I whittled it out of a piece of wood." Gladio deadpanned.

Prom's eyes widened even more, if possible. " _Really?_ "

Gladio laughed. "No, you idiot. It's silicone."

"Oh! I,- of course it is!" Prom bristled, wriggling up to his full height. "Wood would be super uncomfortable, silicone is nice and squishy." Gladio arched an eyebrow at Prom and the pink in his cheeks darkened to a deep red. "No that I'd know what a silicone dick feels like! Nope, not-"

"Prom, I have, well, had, a nice collection of sex toys myself. You can stop freaking out."

Prom swallowed and glanced away. "I pretend I'm mostly straight, all right? The jokes about me fucking Noct were way too much in high school. Being straight is just... easier." He rolled a shoulder. "It gives people less to make fun of me for."

"So the thing with Cindy...?"

"Oh no, 100% genuine, she's _beautiful_ , wow," Prom's head fell to the side, worried frown melting into a grin. He looked back to Gladio and shyly ducked his head. "She's just not my usual. Well, usual fantasy. That one."

Gladio nestled further into place, watching Prom fidget. He never talked this much- not about himself. "So what _is_ your usual fantasy, then?"

"C'mon, man, don't do this to me right now." Prom squirmed, pushing against Gladio's shoulders to try to wriggle up and out of his arms.

He let Prom struggle for a moment before asking again- but not after a moment of smugness that Prom couldn't even get an inch of leeway, despite being slippery as an eel most days. "Well?"

"It's guys, all right! Doesn't- Well, it does matter who, but I haven't really pinned down a _type_ yet. I just know Noct isn't it, despite what fucking _everyone_ says." Prom scowled, fingers curling into Gladio's shoulders in irritation. "He's my best friend, I love him,- I know that sounds weird, shut up- but he doesn't do jack shit for me in the jerking off department."

Might as well go for broke, he was curious. And stalling. "Ignis?"

Prom frowned, looking away with a look that Gladio had previously only seen reserved for homework. "I'm not sure he wouldn't just lecture me on proper technique or something."

Gladio chuckled, easing Prom down to sit on his lap, so they were at eye level. "He's not as stuffy as you think, Prom."

Prom wiggled his eyebrows. " _Really_ now?"

"Not like that." Gladio leaned forward, squinting at Prom in a mockery of his usual glare, and Prom broke into a smile, then leaned forward to narrow his eyes right back. "Would you really want to hear it if it was?"

"Well, now you've got me curious, I've got no idea how to have sex with a guy without a dick, I missed that porno."

He shook his head. Prom's forwardness was honestly a relief. "Not really that hard to do, probably. Once you get the hang of it."

Prom nudged Gladio's hip with his knee. "Well, then, c'mon. What have we got to do for the rest of the afternoon?"

It seemed too good to be true. Gladio watched him, tension creeping back. He didn't _look_ like he was lying. But he also hadn't heard the worst of it yet, had he. "Aren't you still curious about _why_ you have to _learn?"_

"Well, yeah, but I figure that's none of my business."

"You want to fuck but it's none of your business."

Prom sighed. "Look, Gladdy, I don't care what happened. I really don't give a fuck. I don't think you get that I'm just happy you're _here."_

"So it's just that I'm here and available? That's it?"

Prom glowered at him, growling out his reply. " _No._ Don't accuse me of that shit again. I'm not just a pushover, I'm not so fucking pathetic that I just go after whoever will have me."

"You seemed pretty willing to do anything just to get fucked _earlier."_

The venomous words had slipped through, the world slowing as Prom's face fell. Terror and rage at his own stupidity drove a spike into his guts. _Why did you say that. What is wrong with you?!_

Prom's eyes steeled, yanking Gladio's tank top straps in his fists, voice lowering to a snarl Gladio'd never heard before. "I'll give you _one_ chance to take that back and admit you're being a giant _prick because_ you're as fucking scared I'll walk out that stupid door as I am that you'll throw me out of it. I'm not anybody's fucking _whore_ I don't have to _take_ this shit." He yanked on the fabric wildly. "Take it _back!_ NOW!"

A snarling reply of his own jumped to mind, that he didn't need Prom, that he didn't need anyone. That Prom could get the fuck out, he wouldn't miss him. _More lies._ Lies that were cutting, explosive, and would just make everything worse, his insecurities sabotaging and manipulating him.

Prom had only really spoken to him regularly for a few years now, and yet he could spot his bullshit better than Gladio could himself and it stung.

He couldn't even meet Prom's eyes. "Prom, I-"

"Whatever the hell you wanna say, apologize first." He heard Prom sniff, then swallow, fists starting to shake. " _Apologize._ Please. Don't make me wrong about you like I was about almost everyone else."

Gladio closed his eyes tight a moment, putting a hand over Prom's and squeezing gently before he met Prom's eyes. Prom's eyes were glassy, but tears were refusing to fall, and his entire body was shaking at the effort of holding them back. "I'm sorry, Prom. I'm an asshole." Prom's shoulders relaxed and he swallowed again. "I don't want you to leave. I just-"

"You wanted to rip off the bandage so I'd get out and it'd be your fault." Prom sniffed, squeezing his eyes shut. "You're so _stupid,_ don't _ever_ do that again, okay! Don't! I'm not easy! I'm not just anyone's bitch, got it?!"

"I know, Prom." He kept Prom's hand in his and blinked rapidly, tears welling up for an instant before he tamped them down. Where Prom's tears were worthwhile, because some big, dumb asshole had hurt him when he was vulnerable, Gladio's where just an angry over boil of frustration at himself and fucking pointless. He had absolutely no right to be upset when he brought all this on himself.

Prom bit his lip and tugged Gladio's hand to rest up on his shoulder, not looking up. "You didn't mean it, right?"

"No, Prom. I was just being an idiot, like you said. You're way too perceptive for your own good sometimes."

Prom nodded, then sat up again, eyes red and still darkened with anger. "Then fine. You get one freebie, just don't do it again. Ever."

Gladio nodded, wilting under Prom's stare. "Never again."

“Good.”

Silence. Silence and staring at Prom with the sound of blood pounding in his ears.

Now or never. _You hurt him, kicked him when he was vulnerable where he was vulnerable. You owe him. Spit it out._

"I'm trans, Prom."

  
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> There will be a happy ending. But it's going to hurt first. 
> 
> The rating starts to apply in the second chapter.


End file.
